What would you do if you were well?

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Would my life be any different if I could physically do what I wanted?

Sometimes, I sit and think, would my life be any different if I was well enough to do all the things I wanted. Or would it, in fact, be exactly the same?

Do I use my illness as an excuse sometimes for not doing what I want, and actually being too frightened to do things.

So ….. What would I do, in theory, if I could?

Travel The World

I have this dream sometimes; If I had the money, that I would just buy a ticket, and jet off and travel the world. I have only ever been to a few places – albeit some fantastic places, but still not as many as I would like. I have been to Crete, Spain, Ibiza, Wales (not very glamorous but still beautiful), Malta, The Maldives ( my most amazing places!) and I have been on a cruise to Amsterdam and France, and a trip to Paris most recently.

My Dream though would be to visit the states, and hire a car and drive Route 66! – So why don’t I?

Is it really my illness holding me back, or is it because I am actually a massive wimp. Combined with the fact that I can’t afford it, and haven’t got it in me to do the normal thing, and save my money!

Ok – so factors I can blame on my illness, that are preventing me.

What if I run out of medications and get sick?What if I have an anxiety attack or get sick and need medical attention, and my insurance doesn’t cover it?Would my body hurt from driving all day? My fibromyalgia would probably stop me from enjoying the driving, it would be uncomfortable.

Those are basically the main concerns for me not doing the traveling side of things. I admit they are pretty poor excuses in all honesty! I think I will have to choke this one up to myself stopping me from traveling!

Score

Illness – 0

Me Preventing me – 1

Second Goal: Lose Weight / Join a Gym

Ok, Now this one, I will admit, is possibly more me not actually putting a huge amount of effort in, in order to succeed. However, in the early days and even up until very recently, at the height of my fibro flares and hypothyroid not being controlled, it was very difficult.

When I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, I dropped a huge amount of weight, but then it slowly started to pile on. Now I am bigger than I have ever been, and I am unhappy.

There have been times, where I have really really tried to make a concerted effort. I joined a local gym and started going every other day after work. I actually started to enjoy it. I felt lazy on days where I didn’t go. Then, my ankle pain started. My back pain started. My fatigue came back. Due to this combination of factors, I got even lazier. I stopped going to the gym. I was mainly embarrassed because I had promised my personal trainer Tom that I was going to keep it up. I was ashamed and felt like I had let him down. I had also let myself down.

I started eating more. I thought, oh well one chocolate bar won’t hurt. You’re sick. You deserve a bit of comfort food! – That would probably be OK if I hadn’t said that to myself twice before already in that day!

Anyway, so my weight crept up. I got fatter! The Bridget Jones knickers came out!

I have now been told my Rheumatologist that because of my ankle problem and my back issues, that the gym probably isn’t the best place to exercise because it involves weight bearing, which could damage my joint even more. She recommended less strenuous activities, like swimming, Yoga, and Pilates.

Swimming has always been a favorite hobby of mine. My Mum used to call me a Mermaid when I was little.

So, what is stopping me from going Swimming? Again, this score will need to be awarded to me! I am stopping me from going. I don’t want to go swimming, because I don’t want to be seen in a swimming costume!

Score

Illness – 0

Me Preventing Me- 1

3rd Goal: Learn something new


I haven’t really got anything particular in mind here I’ll admit.

I used to play the violin  when I was younger, and apparently, I wasn’t half bad!

I have often considered starting again.

I also love singing. I think about maybe joining a choir or a musical theatre group.

I haven’t really got anything particular in mind here I’ll admit.

I used to play the violin  when I was younger, and apparently, I wasn’t half bad!

I have often considered starting again.

I also love singing. I think about maybe joining a choir or a musical theatre group.

Those are the 3 main things I would do if my illness wasn’t preventing me. However looking at them individually, I actually think, maybe my illness isn’t the main thing stopping me. It is me.

Maybe my life wouldn’t actually be any different to how it is now. This is how my life should be.

I think the moral of my story is – If you have any dreams or ambitions, don’t let your illness hold you back and don’t be the reason you don’t do things you don’t want to do.

These illnesses we have don’t define us…. We define who we are. Go out and reach your goals and your dreams.

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